I know the last three days or so have only been about me complaining about how bad I feel but I really wish I didn't have to. I'm sick and tired of being a complainer...
I woke up sore all over, it hurt to stand in the shower as the water felt like it was pelting me; it hurts to have clothes on! I mustered all the energy and determination I had to make it into work, I don't know how I made it through the day. I felt like I was in an out of body experience, working and thinking in slow motion. I was surprised I made it through a full clinic today, my notes probably suck and there is probably a lot that is lacking but what can I say, I was determined to do what work I could--whether it'll be more work for someone else in the end or not I guess I'll have to live with that.
I definitely lack the luster and what everyone describes as my "peppiness" but I hope everyone understands that this is the effect of the chemo and not because I'm in a bad mood--you don't need to walk on egg shells around me. I wasn't able to give hugs today because it hurts too much to be touched right now not because I was being cold. I don't even have the energy to scream with frustration, just sigh--BIG SIGH!!! How much longer do I have to feel this way? SIGH!! When will I start feeling even just a little bit better, I'm not asking for too much; just don't want to feel as bad as I do now--is that asking for too much?! SIGH!!
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