Another blah day! I'm proud to say I made it into work although I woke up feeling like I couldn't possibly get up and get dressed. I thought I did pretty well, saw as many patients as I could in morning clinic; although by 11:30 I was ready to fall out. Was lucky that we had a lunch brought in by a drug rep and all I had to do was fix a plate--I literally inhaled my lunch and went back to work. I lasted all afternoon and got home after a full day of work. I just wish I felt even just 25% of my normal self. I don't want to be a complainer but I really hate the way I feel right now. With that said, I know I've said before that it could be worse so I really shouldn't complain!!! AHHHH!!!! Now that I've gotten that out...
I actually do feel better. I don't know where or how but I got my second wind after I got home from work and finally unpacked from my trip to Alabama and then did some laundry! This is huge considering how bad I felt just a couple of hours earlier. I would be extremely happy feeling like I am now from now until my next treatment, although I am human and I tend to be selfish and always want more--so, yes that means I would want to feel better than this for some time before my next treatment.
People keep telling me I'll get used to my "new normal" but I keep wondering when that will happen because it sure hasn't happened yet!
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Monday, November 29, 2010
IV Fluids to start off the week.
Back to work early this morning feeling wiped out but determined to stay. I saw a couple of patients in morning clinic and then walked into my Medical Oncologist who asked me how I was feeling. I was honest, I didn't feel too great but I felt like I could make it through the day. Well, I guess I looked worse than I felt; he marched me right over to Outpatient Chemo and ordered me a liter of fluids and some IV Zofran. I got the fluids over a few hours and slept most of the time, I did feel better afterwards but I still can't shake this run down feeling. I hate not feeling like myself!:(
I know my parents and a lot of other people probably think I feel so poorly because I overdid it last Friday by going to the Iron Bowl, well, I disagree! I had all of Saturday to recuperate and honestly, I think that this is the way I would have felt no matter what.
I feel so fat and heavy right now but can't stop from eating all the fatty comfort foods that make my stomach feel better. With my taste buds acting up, I find the sugary, salty, fatty and carb loaded foods agreeing with me. Oh, woe is me...the things that I have to worry about! I guess I shouldn't complain, when else will I have an excuse to gain weight?!
I know my parents and a lot of other people probably think I feel so poorly because I overdid it last Friday by going to the Iron Bowl, well, I disagree! I had all of Saturday to recuperate and honestly, I think that this is the way I would have felt no matter what.
I feel so fat and heavy right now but can't stop from eating all the fatty comfort foods that make my stomach feel better. With my taste buds acting up, I find the sugary, salty, fatty and carb loaded foods agreeing with me. Oh, woe is me...the things that I have to worry about! I guess I shouldn't complain, when else will I have an excuse to gain weight?!
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Back home in Baltimore.
Touched down at BWI earlier than expected and drove home to my cold, empty apartment. As strange as it may seem but there was something very soothing and welcoming about walking into my dark and cold apartment. All I wanted to do was throw off my shoes and lay on my sofa for a while.
I sit here without having unpacked and with a pile of laundry to do but that's what tomorrow is for. It's not just the fact that it was Thanksgiving but I truly do have a lot to be thankful for, I know I've said this many times in many of my posts and it will never change--I am the luckiest person on this earth and I hope that I will continue to be grateful and appreciative no matter what may lay ahead.
I left a clan of sick people in the South. I hope my precious little Alex and Emily feel better. Vicky--you don't have any more time to be sick; just hope Shi doen't catch it, it'll be worse than the two kids being sick! Sophie, take care of yourself and make sure Sara doesn't get sick.
I'm so exhausted now, I think it's time to go to sleep and hope that I'll feel better and ready to work in the morning. Good night all!
I sit here without having unpacked and with a pile of laundry to do but that's what tomorrow is for. It's not just the fact that it was Thanksgiving but I truly do have a lot to be thankful for, I know I've said this many times in many of my posts and it will never change--I am the luckiest person on this earth and I hope that I will continue to be grateful and appreciative no matter what may lay ahead.
I left a clan of sick people in the South. I hope my precious little Alex and Emily feel better. Vicky--you don't have any more time to be sick; just hope Shi doen't catch it, it'll be worse than the two kids being sick! Sophie, take care of yourself and make sure Sara doesn't get sick.
I'm so exhausted now, I think it's time to go to sleep and hope that I'll feel better and ready to work in the morning. Good night all!
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Happy Birthday!
Today is my one and only nephew, Alex's 7 th birthday! We celebrated with those dear to our hearts including the most wonderful babysitter you could ask for, Adelina, and her husband. We feasted on a variety of smoked meats that Vicky worked on with the help of her pink pig smoker Belle. The best part of course was the ice cream cake!
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Iron Bowl 2010, Tuscaloosa, AL
Unfortunately we were unable to beat the undefeated Auburn Tigers but what a day to remember!
I woke up to cold, wet weather and was worried my day was going to come to an early end without a chance to make it through the entire game. I took my chances and decided I was going to go come hail or storm! I met Ashley in Riverchase and our caravan headed towards Tuscaloosa. The weather began to clear as we got started and I had a good feeling about how the day would play out.
My first stop before the game--Kristi's tailgate! The tent was set up with a huge TV and a fabulous southern tailgate spread, oh and of course all the beer and Yuccas you could drink! The propane heaters were doing their best to keep us warm but I was so excited my bare ankles didn't feel a single chill!
We headed to the stadium to make kick off but missed the 4 F16s flying overhead--I heard them but didn't see them. Wow, did Alabama have an awesome start; we were up 21 in the first quarter!!! Even up until the half, I was so confident we would win! I just don't know what happened after half time. It was like a completely different team was out on the field the second half. At the end of the game I was hurt and broken hearted that we lost by 1--yes ONE point! But I got over it pretty quickly as we continued to make our way back to continue what we started at the tent!
Vicky, Shi and myself then moved on to the RV park where The Adams had it going on! I counted at least 4 or 5 fried turkeys! We enjoyed their hospitality and the amazing food they had in the warmth of their comfy RV!:) It really doesn't get any better than this. Had so much fun taking silly pictures with Ash, I'll never be able to get that Auburn voodoo doll out of my mind!
After so much excitement, a lot of fun and a full and satisfied belly, it was time to head back to Huntsville. I slept the entire way and got back safely to a warm bed with so many sweet memories!
I don't know where or with whom I should begin my thank yous but I have a long list of people to thank...first of all my family for their love and concern, I know they would have preferred to have kept me sheltered from the cold and rain but they knew better than to discourage my decision to go to the football game. Of course, I owe a huge thank you to Ashley and The Adams who were so generous enough to hook me up with my awesome ticket and so much more! The Martins and Whitakers of course for all your planning and hard work to make sure I got around in VIP fashion and was well taken care of throughout and of course for your hospitality--y'all made Vicky and Shi feel so welcome! Special thanks to Fire Chief Martin for all your concern and thoughtfulness, I truly appreciate the effort you made to make my day so easy; and another special thanks to Chief Hallmann who chauffeured us to our tailgating site in style!
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Happy Thanksgiving!
I hope everyone has enjoyed their Thanksgiving as much as I!
It doesn't get any better than this--surrounded by loving family and new friends, filling your belly with loads of good food. I'm SO full I need to literally roll around.
The morning started out with home cooked hoe cakes, thick sliced bacon and scrambled eggs. We tried to keep lunch light with just some home made soup to prepare for the spread that was awaiting us in Birmingham. The drive from Huntsville was fairly smooth. Once we arrived at our aunt and uncle's in Birmingham, we were greeted by so many warm hugs and friendly faces. We walked into a table full of finger foods and awesome appetizers, not to mention the free flowing alcohol that never seemed to stop or disappear! Not that I got to enjoy any of it, my taste buds are playing tricks on me again. :( We moved onto turkey with all the dressings and Jim 'n' Nick's bar b q! We had to take an hour or two break before we could touch any of the 4 different pies, bread pudding and ice cream.
Now it's time for a long nap! Like I said it doesn't get any better than this! Actually...it does, this is to be followed by tailgating and the Iron Bowl tomorrow! :)
It doesn't get any better than this--surrounded by loving family and new friends, filling your belly with loads of good food. I'm SO full I need to literally roll around.
The morning started out with home cooked hoe cakes, thick sliced bacon and scrambled eggs. We tried to keep lunch light with just some home made soup to prepare for the spread that was awaiting us in Birmingham. The drive from Huntsville was fairly smooth. Once we arrived at our aunt and uncle's in Birmingham, we were greeted by so many warm hugs and friendly faces. We walked into a table full of finger foods and awesome appetizers, not to mention the free flowing alcohol that never seemed to stop or disappear! Not that I got to enjoy any of it, my taste buds are playing tricks on me again. :( We moved onto turkey with all the dressings and Jim 'n' Nick's bar b q! We had to take an hour or two break before we could touch any of the 4 different pies, bread pudding and ice cream.
Now it's time for a long nap! Like I said it doesn't get any better than this! Actually...it does, this is to be followed by tailgating and the Iron Bowl tomorrow! :)
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Wednesday, November 24, 2010
2 down 4 to go!
Yay! Done with my second cycle of chemo and I'm actually feeling pretty good. I guess I am a lot stronger than I thought, everyone has commented on how great I look or how great I'm doing. I've even impressed my Medical oncologist.
I'm sitting in the airport waiting to board my flight to Huntsville and Sam has taken advantage of the fact that I just had chemo and got us bumped up to board with Zone 3 passengers instead of our designated Zone 8! I guess it's a good thing since I kinda feel nauseated, time for Zofran! Will be posting my next entry from Sweet Home Alabama! :)
I'm sitting in the airport waiting to board my flight to Huntsville and Sam has taken advantage of the fact that I just had chemo and got us bumped up to board with Zone 3 passengers instead of our designated Zone 8! I guess it's a good thing since I kinda feel nauseated, time for Zofran! Will be posting my next entry from Sweet Home Alabama! :)
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Waiting for Round 6
Can't believe it's time for another cycle of chemotherapy already. In some ways, it feels like it took so long to get to my next cycle; yet on the other hand, it seems too soon. I'm dreading the way I'll feel and what the next treatment will bring. I don't want to stop feeling so good, like I do now--able to do the things I was doing before all this started. I'm just looking forward to getting it over with. By tomorrow night, this time, I'll be in Alabama. I'll get to enjoy 4 days of Sweet Home Alabama which includes a lot of southern comfort food and of course the Iron Bowl!!!
It's amazing how much warmth you loose from your head! There's something to be said about wearing hats in the winter. I usually let Shirley (aka Sasha Fierce, aka Shelly, aka Sandra D or just Gus) rest on her temporary stand when I get home and it was obvious the moment I took her off Sunday that my head felt so cold. I can't stay too long without putting on a hat or turban in order to keep warm, it doesn't matter how many layers I put on, it's all about covering my bare head.
I wonder how long it'll take for me to get used to my new look or if I ever will. I feel like I'm looking at a stranger when I see myself in the mirror. It's funny but a few people at the hospital had a hard time recognizing me at first; or maybe it's a good thing. I know with time, even this will pass; just wonder how funny it will be in a few years to look back at my pictures now and try to remember how and what it is that I am feeling now.
It's amazing how much warmth you loose from your head! There's something to be said about wearing hats in the winter. I usually let Shirley (aka Sasha Fierce, aka Shelly, aka Sandra D or just Gus) rest on her temporary stand when I get home and it was obvious the moment I took her off Sunday that my head felt so cold. I can't stay too long without putting on a hat or turban in order to keep warm, it doesn't matter how many layers I put on, it's all about covering my bare head.
I wonder how long it'll take for me to get used to my new look or if I ever will. I feel like I'm looking at a stranger when I see myself in the mirror. It's funny but a few people at the hospital had a hard time recognizing me at first; or maybe it's a good thing. I know with time, even this will pass; just wonder how funny it will be in a few years to look back at my pictures now and try to remember how and what it is that I am feeling now.
Monday, November 22, 2010
She's a hit!
Call her what you may--Shirley, Sasha Fierce, Shelly, Sandra D, Gus--but she's definitely a hit! I had so many complements, although thinking about it now I'm not sure if they were sincere or if people were just trying to be nice. I still feel very awkward and am not so sure I really like the way I look. I know over time I will get used to it and I'm sure I'll become accustomed to how the wig makes me look but for now I'm still not so crazy about it.
I must say that I was pleasantly surprised by how I look with my head shaved. I think I look pretty good bald, if I do say so myself. I have a fairly nicely shaped head; no major bumps or dents! I think I can carry the Mister Clean look and pretty well at that!
I'm getting very excited about being back in Alabama with my family for Thanksgiving. I will be so happy to see everyone. I am super excited about the Iron Bowl and of course tailgating. The fact that I may be too tired is still in the back of my mind but I'm hoping the adrenaline will kick in and I'll be fine.
I must admit, I am a tad bit anxious about my next cycle of chemo just because I have been feeling so good lately and don't want to be feeling so down again. Trying to stay positive though, at least I got to enjoy 10 great days and I will have more to come, I'll just have to get through another little bump in the road. Good thing is I'll be surrounded by my loving family who I know will spoil me along with a few very good friends who I know will do everything in their power to keep me comfortable and safe.
I must say that I was pleasantly surprised by how I look with my head shaved. I think I look pretty good bald, if I do say so myself. I have a fairly nicely shaped head; no major bumps or dents! I think I can carry the Mister Clean look and pretty well at that!
I'm getting very excited about being back in Alabama with my family for Thanksgiving. I will be so happy to see everyone. I am super excited about the Iron Bowl and of course tailgating. The fact that I may be too tired is still in the back of my mind but I'm hoping the adrenaline will kick in and I'll be fine.
I must admit, I am a tad bit anxious about my next cycle of chemo just because I have been feeling so good lately and don't want to be feeling so down again. Trying to stay positive though, at least I got to enjoy 10 great days and I will have more to come, I'll just have to get through another little bump in the road. Good thing is I'll be surrounded by my loving family who I know will spoil me along with a few very good friends who I know will do everything in their power to keep me comfortable and safe.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Love my gals!
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Saturday, November 20, 2010
Murphy's Law!
Of course it had to happen my call weekend! An admission overnight and then an emergency case in the OR today.
The pages started after 9 last night, it wasn't bad but one of the pages was about a patient I knew I would have to admit; lucky for me our fellow was moonlighting and was taking call in the hospital. Now, our fellow has been very good to me from the start but since my diagnosis, he has been extremely willing to help me out; he had even offered to take Friday night call for me. I insisted I take the entire weekend of call but did tell him I would call if anything came up that required physical evaluation. So, thankfully our fellow took my call after I received the page and admitted the patient for me so I didn't have to drag my balding self to the hospital late last night for an admission.
I went into round this morning thinking it wouldn't be too bad, I'd be done in 2 hours tops. Well, wouldn't you know it; a consult from yesterday decided to go south and we had to operate. My surgeon said he would call in the fellow but I knew our fellow was coming off call and had to admit our patient last night. I truly thought it would be a simple case and I of course insisted I be the one to assist. Assuming it would be a simple case was my mistake, 5 hours later I was leaving the OR! I'm very happy to say I lasted the entire case!:) Not only that but I'm feeling good and going strong even after getting to the hospital at 8AM to round and operating for 5 hours.
I hope this evening is quiet and I really hope tomorrow will be an uneventful day as you all know I have very important plans in the evening! I have lost more than half my hair now and had to wear a hat to work as there is more bare scalp showing than actual hair on my head. So many people made comments about how cute I looked and how fashionable my hat was, little did they know why I had it on-hehehe!!:D I just thanked them and kept working. Well, after tomorrow night I no longer have to worry about picking up hair from EVERYWHERE! That's what I am MOST looking forward to!
Friday, November 19, 2010
YAY--weekend!
Finally...Friday! Sigh of relief.
As happy as I am to be feeling so good, I am quite relieved it's the weekend. Although I'm on call, I don't think there will be any major catastrophes; they were all diverted before leaving work.
I've lost about half my hair now but haven't had to wear any hats or scarves yet. I've stopped drying my hair though I don't really think it makes much difference in how much is falling out. It won't make a difference after Sunday! So, I did receive another suggestion for my hairy BFF--what do you all think of Sally? I just realized all the suggestions I've gotten so far all start with the letter "S."
I have 5 more days before my next treatment and I plan to take advantage of how great I feel and having my taste buds back to normal. I will enjoy all the coffee and diet coke I can possibly guzzle, I will not waste time napping during the day and weekend and I will not say NO to any invitations to just about anything and everything! Hope you have just as wonderful a weekend as I plan to have!:)
As happy as I am to be feeling so good, I am quite relieved it's the weekend. Although I'm on call, I don't think there will be any major catastrophes; they were all diverted before leaving work.
I've lost about half my hair now but haven't had to wear any hats or scarves yet. I've stopped drying my hair though I don't really think it makes much difference in how much is falling out. It won't make a difference after Sunday! So, I did receive another suggestion for my hairy BFF--what do you all think of Sally? I just realized all the suggestions I've gotten so far all start with the letter "S."
I have 5 more days before my next treatment and I plan to take advantage of how great I feel and having my taste buds back to normal. I will enjoy all the coffee and diet coke I can possibly guzzle, I will not waste time napping during the day and weekend and I will not say NO to any invitations to just about anything and everything! Hope you have just as wonderful a weekend as I plan to have!:)
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Looking forward to Sunday.
OK, now it's just getting ridiculous the amount of hair I'm having to pick up off my pillow, off my clothes and off the floor--there was so much on my pillow that I wasn't able to pick it all up with my two hands, I could have used a hand vac if I had one! I have considered pushing up the shaving of my head but then again there's a part of me that wants to avoid it for as long as I can. My scalp is actually feeling very sensitive, especially in the back. I have a feeling that I may have to wear one of my very cute hats that Vicky bought me in New York to work tomorrow.
Although it's still shocking to me to see all my hair falling out, I'm definitely not as emotional or sad today. I'm over it, it's just a huge inconvenience to clean up!
Alright, where are all the suggestions?! Sunday is coming up and I certainly don't want to refer to my new look as just "the wig!" So here's what I've gotten so far: Shirley, Sabina Fierce and Sandra D. Come on y'all!
Although it's still shocking to me to see all my hair falling out, I'm definitely not as emotional or sad today. I'm over it, it's just a huge inconvenience to clean up!
Alright, where are all the suggestions?! Sunday is coming up and I certainly don't want to refer to my new look as just "the wig!" So here's what I've gotten so far: Shirley, Sabina Fierce and Sandra D. Come on y'all!
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Hair, hair and more hair!
So, I guess I'll be losing more and more hair every day. The amount I collected in the shower and off the floor after drying my hair was unbelievable to me this morning. I don't think I'll make it to the end of the week without having to hide my bare scalp. I have quite a bald spot on the very top of my head right now!
I really thought I was prepared to lose my hair but looking at my hair in my hands and seeing a huge area of bare scalp were very hard to swallow today. I actually found myself shedding a tear this afternoon because I was sincerely sad. I know this is a temporary loss and I will have my own hair back soon but the reality of the whole situation became clear to me again.
I had myself a tiny pity-fest and shared a half bottle of wine with Megan and thought I would feel better. The wine has just made me more emotional. I know this is not the end of the world but there are still moments, although very few and short lived, that I wonder why. I know it's useless to ask why and especially now but I hope you'll let me have my moment--no need to console me because like I said before this will be short lived.
I really thought I was prepared to lose my hair but looking at my hair in my hands and seeing a huge area of bare scalp were very hard to swallow today. I actually found myself shedding a tear this afternoon because I was sincerely sad. I know this is a temporary loss and I will have my own hair back soon but the reality of the whole situation became clear to me again.
I had myself a tiny pity-fest and shared a half bottle of wine with Megan and thought I would feel better. The wine has just made me more emotional. I know this is not the end of the world but there are still moments, although very few and short lived, that I wonder why. I know it's useless to ask why and especially now but I hope you'll let me have my moment--no need to console me because like I said before this will be short lived.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Hair--it's so over rated!
It's official, I am losing my hair. The ponytail I held in the shower this morning confirmed what I knew was starting yesterday. I spent 5 minutes picking up what could have been a toupeé off the floor this morning once I got through blow drying my hair. Good news is my wig is in!
I still feel like I'll be able to get through the end of the week without having to wear the wig. I'm open to suggestions for names for my new hairy accessory, I think it would help me build a special bond with what I think will become my new BFF. I'm not sure if I'll lose the same amount or more tomorrow but I hope it won't be too noticeable.
I have made arrangements to have the rest of my hair shaved Sunday. It will be a celebration for anyone & everyone who is able to come by and cheer me on. I have made some extra special friends in Baltimore and two of them have turned out to be my surrogate big sisters. Lisa and Tery have been so good to me and they continue to do so. They have searched long & hard to find me the perfect wig and you will see just how perfect come Sunday! Consider this your official invitation: Be at Kobi Salon in Mt. Washington, 6322 Falls Road, Baltimore at 5pm.
I still feel like I'll be able to get through the end of the week without having to wear the wig. I'm open to suggestions for names for my new hairy accessory, I think it would help me build a special bond with what I think will become my new BFF. I'm not sure if I'll lose the same amount or more tomorrow but I hope it won't be too noticeable.
I have made arrangements to have the rest of my hair shaved Sunday. It will be a celebration for anyone & everyone who is able to come by and cheer me on. I have made some extra special friends in Baltimore and two of them have turned out to be my surrogate big sisters. Lisa and Tery have been so good to me and they continue to do so. They have searched long & hard to find me the perfect wig and you will see just how perfect come Sunday! Consider this your official invitation: Be at Kobi Salon in Mt. Washington, 6322 Falls Road, Baltimore at 5pm.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Exciting Monday!
So, how many Mondays can you remember as being EXCITING?! I remember many a Mondays that I've dreaded and was eager to get through. Today was very different. I woke up in such a great mood because I still feel so good. I am so excited to think that I may be lucky enough to have another 8 days of feeling like myself before my next treatment. It's funny how you start to appreciate your health and are grateful for not feeling poorly when you get sick. I wanted to and was able to give 100% at work and actually enjoyed being at work for a change. One of the highlights of today was the warm and welcome hugs I got from all my peeps in the OR and on 7, today was the first day I have been able to visit since my treatment started. I even got back home after work not feeling wiped out and haven't had to nap!
Now for the ultimate highlight of the day...I'll have to back up a bit because it is kind of a new development. I was originally scheduled to take call over the Thanksgiving Day Holiday, however, after talking to one of my colleagues, he actually wanted to switch call weekends with me. It ends up I'll be on call this coming weekend and will be off for Thanksgiving. Given the new development, I thought it only seemed right to fly to Alabama to be with my family for the holidays. Well I had a chance to talk to my friend Ashley, who lives in Louisiana and is an Alabama alum and of course a huge Crimson Tide fan, and mentioned this new revelation. Well, today she texted to let me know that she has procured an extra ticket to the Iron Bowl just for me!!! I don't even know what to say! I am SO excited, I just hope I'll be able to go; it will be 2 days after my second cycle of chemo. I really hope I'll be able to tailgate and attend the game.
All this excitement made me forget about what happened this morning--while washing my hair, I noticed there was A LOT more hair than usual that was falling out. I had a huge clump of hair once I was through. I think this may be the start of well I think you know. It may seem weird but I'm kinda curious to see what I'll look like bald. I guess I'll find out soon!
Now for the ultimate highlight of the day...I'll have to back up a bit because it is kind of a new development. I was originally scheduled to take call over the Thanksgiving Day Holiday, however, after talking to one of my colleagues, he actually wanted to switch call weekends with me. It ends up I'll be on call this coming weekend and will be off for Thanksgiving. Given the new development, I thought it only seemed right to fly to Alabama to be with my family for the holidays. Well I had a chance to talk to my friend Ashley, who lives in Louisiana and is an Alabama alum and of course a huge Crimson Tide fan, and mentioned this new revelation. Well, today she texted to let me know that she has procured an extra ticket to the Iron Bowl just for me!!! I don't even know what to say! I am SO excited, I just hope I'll be able to go; it will be 2 days after my second cycle of chemo. I really hope I'll be able to tailgate and attend the game.
All this excitement made me forget about what happened this morning--while washing my hair, I noticed there was A LOT more hair than usual that was falling out. I had a huge clump of hair once I was through. I think this may be the start of well I think you know. It may seem weird but I'm kinda curious to see what I'll look like bald. I guess I'll find out soon!
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Close to normal
You know I'm feeling better when all I want to do is go Karaoke!
I realized today that I have felt the closest to normal today than any other day since I was diagnosed. I am not as tired and I've had no nausea and have not had to eat every 2-3 hours, it's funny to say but I'm even used to the numbness in my side and arm, making it feel "normal." My spirits are very good and I have wanted to do things. I had brunch with Sandy before she left to visit her sister and new niece. I came home and cleaned, got ready to spend the next few days cat sitting for Sandy while she's out of town. I'm excited about going out to dinner with Sujin and Nastaran.
The best thing about feeling "normal" is that things are tasting better too. After my first treatment, I noticed that I had a constant funny taste in my mouth; everything I ate and drank just didn't taste the way I remembered. I haven't wanted to drink coffee or diet cokes because they didn't taste the same. Today I actually wanted coffee and when I had it, it tasted like coffee!!! Even my diet coke tasted right! :D
Ah, the simple pleasures of life! I am so grateful for the last couple of days which when compared to a couple of weeks ago have been really good. I am excited about this week because I have a feeling this feeling of "normal" will last until my next treatment next Wednesday. I am planning to take advantage of these next great days! Who's free to go Karaoke?! ;)
I realized today that I have felt the closest to normal today than any other day since I was diagnosed. I am not as tired and I've had no nausea and have not had to eat every 2-3 hours, it's funny to say but I'm even used to the numbness in my side and arm, making it feel "normal." My spirits are very good and I have wanted to do things. I had brunch with Sandy before she left to visit her sister and new niece. I came home and cleaned, got ready to spend the next few days cat sitting for Sandy while she's out of town. I'm excited about going out to dinner with Sujin and Nastaran.
The best thing about feeling "normal" is that things are tasting better too. After my first treatment, I noticed that I had a constant funny taste in my mouth; everything I ate and drank just didn't taste the way I remembered. I haven't wanted to drink coffee or diet cokes because they didn't taste the same. Today I actually wanted coffee and when I had it, it tasted like coffee!!! Even my diet coke tasted right! :D
Ah, the simple pleasures of life! I am so grateful for the last couple of days which when compared to a couple of weeks ago have been really good. I am excited about this week because I have a feeling this feeling of "normal" will last until my next treatment next Wednesday. I am planning to take advantage of these next great days! Who's free to go Karaoke?! ;)
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Happy Day!
Woke up congested and coughing but overall, today has been a happy day.
The weather was absolutely gorgeous and although I hadn't planned on going anywhere, I thought it would be too much of a waste not to. My good friend Sandy picked me up and we ventured to Wegman's where I picked up a few essentials including some chocolate and other snacks. Of course we had to stop at Chick fil A for lunch--leave it to Sandy to scoff my choice of the kid's nugget meal and yes I traded in my prize for a kiddy cone!:) We made a stop at the closest PetCo for Max and Jack's needs. Then I came home, feeling a bit tired but glad I got to enjoy the sun and cool breeze. Plan to take a nap then of course I'll have to watch Mississippi State at Alabama--ROLL TIDE!
The weather was absolutely gorgeous and although I hadn't planned on going anywhere, I thought it would be too much of a waste not to. My good friend Sandy picked me up and we ventured to Wegman's where I picked up a few essentials including some chocolate and other snacks. Of course we had to stop at Chick fil A for lunch--leave it to Sandy to scoff my choice of the kid's nugget meal and yes I traded in my prize for a kiddy cone!:) We made a stop at the closest PetCo for Max and Jack's needs. Then I came home, feeling a bit tired but glad I got to enjoy the sun and cool breeze. Plan to take a nap then of course I'll have to watch Mississippi State at Alabama--ROLL TIDE!
Friday, November 12, 2010
TGIF!!
I woke up feeling so much better, I guess the 10+ hours of sleep helped.
I didn't get into work on time but at least I made it in. Over the course of the day I started to feel so much better and I sound better too, not as congested. My body continues to play tricks on me and it's hard to gauge how I'll feel one moment to the next. Even though I am frustrated that I have little control over my body, I am so grateful that I am better and AM so much better than what I could be!
I'm looking forward to this weekend, the temperatures are forecasted to be mild. I have not committed to any plans but instead have decided to stay in and just relax all weekend, I want to make sure that I don't put myself in harms way. I'm still learning what to expect and I think I should be safe and take it easy especially knowing that my counts will remain low for a while. I'm looking forward to some college football on Saturday and maybe some company Sunday night to help clear out some stuff from my fridge and freezer!--sorry Vicky but there is absolutely no way I can eat all this food alone!!!! Hopefully I will continue to feel this well through this weekend!
I didn't get into work on time but at least I made it in. Over the course of the day I started to feel so much better and I sound better too, not as congested. My body continues to play tricks on me and it's hard to gauge how I'll feel one moment to the next. Even though I am frustrated that I have little control over my body, I am so grateful that I am better and AM so much better than what I could be!
I'm looking forward to this weekend, the temperatures are forecasted to be mild. I have not committed to any plans but instead have decided to stay in and just relax all weekend, I want to make sure that I don't put myself in harms way. I'm still learning what to expect and I think I should be safe and take it easy especially knowing that my counts will remain low for a while. I'm looking forward to some college football on Saturday and maybe some company Sunday night to help clear out some stuff from my fridge and freezer!--sorry Vicky but there is absolutely no way I can eat all this food alone!!!! Hopefully I will continue to feel this well through this weekend!
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Banished!
A blessing in disguise...I was banished from work today as one of my surgeons thought that it was too high risk for me to be there with my current white count. I felt like I was being punished but once I got over the initial disappointment, it only makes sense to be careful.
Good thing though, because as the day has worn on I am feeling worse and worse. I am having achy pains all over and a bad headache, kinda feel like I have the flu. I don't have a temperature, which is a good thing but I fell blah! My tongue is sore with little painful bumps and I'm worried that things may get worse. It's so frustrating to feel like this when all I want is to be able to be well enough to continue living somewhat of a normal, routine life.
I truly hope I'll feel well enough to get up in the morning.
Good thing though, because as the day has worn on I am feeling worse and worse. I am having achy pains all over and a bad headache, kinda feel like I have the flu. I don't have a temperature, which is a good thing but I fell blah! My tongue is sore with little painful bumps and I'm worried that things may get worse. It's so frustrating to feel like this when all I want is to be able to be well enough to continue living somewhat of a normal, routine life.
I truly hope I'll feel well enough to get up in the morning.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Caution...
Well, who would have thunk? I have a white blood cell count of 1.2K!!! (for those not in the medical field, normal counts run from ~4.5-10K so this means I am at increased risk of infections) Good thing is that at least I am not currently neutropenic. I am trying to be very careful. I have washed my hands raw and am trying to stay away from sick people--ironic that I work at a hospital!
Good news is that I was told that the extent of my side effects, more particularly nausea, bone aches, mucositis and neuropathy, have been reached; the more chemo I get does not necessarily mean that these will get worse. If I haven't had a major problem then I shouldn't!!! YAY!!! The only catch is that I will definitely be feeling more and more tired and fatigued as the number of cycles increase and hopefully my Neulasta shots will work and I won't have to worry about silly things like white blood cell counts and becoming neutropenic. But, like a wise friend always reminds me...there are no guarantees in life; so I guess only time will tell.
As my colleagues at work were shocked to see my blood work results, they urged me to go home early and so I did. I came home, napped and ate. I was feeling so good early in the evening I ventured out to celebrate the hard work of my good friend Sandy who just took both her Hematology and Oncology board exams--strong work Doctor!!!:) Now I am ready to sleep--shocking!
Tomorrow is a new day and hopefully all the food and sleep I have consumed in the last 24 hours will help stimulate more of those white blood cells to develop and protect me from any harm.
Good news is that I was told that the extent of my side effects, more particularly nausea, bone aches, mucositis and neuropathy, have been reached; the more chemo I get does not necessarily mean that these will get worse. If I haven't had a major problem then I shouldn't!!! YAY!!! The only catch is that I will definitely be feeling more and more tired and fatigued as the number of cycles increase and hopefully my Neulasta shots will work and I won't have to worry about silly things like white blood cell counts and becoming neutropenic. But, like a wise friend always reminds me...there are no guarantees in life; so I guess only time will tell.
As my colleagues at work were shocked to see my blood work results, they urged me to go home early and so I did. I came home, napped and ate. I was feeling so good early in the evening I ventured out to celebrate the hard work of my good friend Sandy who just took both her Hematology and Oncology board exams--strong work Doctor!!!:) Now I am ready to sleep--shocking!
Tomorrow is a new day and hopefully all the food and sleep I have consumed in the last 24 hours will help stimulate more of those white blood cells to develop and protect me from any harm.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Wishful thinking!
Another good day--I thought! My body is playing some mean tricks on me.
I woke up tired and needed an extra 15 minutes or so to get ready, I blame the fact that another one of the side effects of chemo is kicking in--I've now got the runs (sorry, I know TMI). I was woken at 2AM feeling nauseated and running towards the bathroom to find out that yet another side effect was awaiting!:( But I got to work feeling OK. Throughout the morning I started to get my second wind, I was on a roll!!! After lunch I was feeling so good I decided to venture down into the operating room....not such a good idea; 30 minutes into having scrubbed and I was having to scrub out!:( I was so angry at myself and frustrated, why can't my body just co-operate with my mind? Is that too much to ask? I have (as have the rest of my group) banned myself from the OR until I have gotten over chemo and radiation!
I woke up tired and needed an extra 15 minutes or so to get ready, I blame the fact that another one of the side effects of chemo is kicking in--I've now got the runs (sorry, I know TMI). I was woken at 2AM feeling nauseated and running towards the bathroom to find out that yet another side effect was awaiting!:( But I got to work feeling OK. Throughout the morning I started to get my second wind, I was on a roll!!! After lunch I was feeling so good I decided to venture down into the operating room....not such a good idea; 30 minutes into having scrubbed and I was having to scrub out!:( I was so angry at myself and frustrated, why can't my body just co-operate with my mind? Is that too much to ask? I have (as have the rest of my group) banned myself from the OR until I have gotten over chemo and radiation!
Monday, November 8, 2010
Glamorous Me
I don't think I've been this sad or disappointed like I am today since I started this blog--and all because of a comment someone made, which was likely out of frustration and without any thought at all but it was still very disturbing to me. In the midst of a rant and rave of how life sucks for a certain someone, they made the comment: "I would rather be you right now." How horrible could this person's life be at this time to wish they could have breast cancer?! I didn't know whether to feel pity or anger, I was speechless. Yes, we've all heard the grass is always greener on the other side--but really!?! Does my grass seem that much greener right now? I would really like to know what it is in this person's life that makes scars, an ugly port, trunkal numbness and lymphedema, nausea, cystitis and fatigue so glamorous!
I'm learning so many things through my journey. I've already learned that I have many physical limitations. I know that I've only been through one treatment, yet my body is feeling the full effects and to think that this may only get worse and not better. I know that I must take it day by day and try not to over do things. I only hope that my body will allow me to get up every morning and make it into work each day if only for a couple of hours; more importantly, I hope my body will co-operate enough to allow me to take care of myself without concerning others. Other things I'm learning--I need to eat every few hours to keep from getting really sick and run down, I have to take breaks between big tasks even getting ready in the morning, I need to stay well hydrated.
The most important lesson of all--NEVER EXPECT ANYTHING FROM ANYONE, it only leads to disappointment. I think the reason I was so saddened and disappointed by the comment above was because I EXPECTED a lot more from that person. I should have never thought that I would receive mutual respect, consideration and understanding. To be completely honest, I don't even know if this person realizes what they said or have done; either way, I truly hope that life gets better for this person. I hope they are able to find the peace they need to move forward in life and please grant them some wisdom and grace. As for me, I know I'll get over it--hey, it's a huge complement--who else could make someone want breast cancer?! YAY ME!!:)
I'm learning so many things through my journey. I've already learned that I have many physical limitations. I know that I've only been through one treatment, yet my body is feeling the full effects and to think that this may only get worse and not better. I know that I must take it day by day and try not to over do things. I only hope that my body will allow me to get up every morning and make it into work each day if only for a couple of hours; more importantly, I hope my body will co-operate enough to allow me to take care of myself without concerning others. Other things I'm learning--I need to eat every few hours to keep from getting really sick and run down, I have to take breaks between big tasks even getting ready in the morning, I need to stay well hydrated.
The most important lesson of all--NEVER EXPECT ANYTHING FROM ANYONE, it only leads to disappointment. I think the reason I was so saddened and disappointed by the comment above was because I EXPECTED a lot more from that person. I should have never thought that I would receive mutual respect, consideration and understanding. To be completely honest, I don't even know if this person realizes what they said or have done; either way, I truly hope that life gets better for this person. I hope they are able to find the peace they need to move forward in life and please grant them some wisdom and grace. As for me, I know I'll get over it--hey, it's a huge complement--who else could make someone want breast cancer?! YAY ME!!:)
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Sigh of relief...:D
Today seems to be a good day so far. I woke up feeling a little bit of nausea but it didn't bother me enough not to eat breakfast. I think I may have developed hemorrhagic cystitis as a side effect of one of the chemotherapy drugs--having some discomfort but hoping that plenty of hydration and some diuretic effects of AM coffee will help.
I actually feel more energetic this morning than I have since starting my treatment, makes me very happy. I actually feel good enough that I may try to clean and do some laundry later! Vicky will leave tonight but I will have plenty of food to last me through my treatment and probably even after I'm done with radiation in a few months!
Ahhh...can you see the big smile on my face?!
I actually feel more energetic this morning than I have since starting my treatment, makes me very happy. I actually feel good enough that I may try to clean and do some laundry later! Vicky will leave tonight but I will have plenty of food to last me through my treatment and probably even after I'm done with radiation in a few months!
Ahhh...can you see the big smile on my face?!
Saturday, November 6, 2010
I AM Alive!!
Sorry to all for not having posted anything the last couple of days and making you worry--I am alive!!:)
The only real side effects I'm feeling right now are exhaustion and some nausea or stomach irritation. The day after my first treatment I went back to work thinking I could continue full speed ahead--NOT. I nearly passed out in the operating room after 2 hours and I had to tuck my tail and retreat back to my office to regain my strength and energy; thought I was feeling better and then headed down for another case, only to last about 1 hour!:( I quickly learned that I will definitely have limits, and this is only after the first treatment.
Once I'm home from work, I feel so wiped out all I want to do is lay down and sleep. Thank goodness for Vicky, at least she makes sure I have something in my stomach before I pass out. She has filled my fridge and freezer to the max! Thanks to her, I am warding off neuropathy with my twice daily glucosamine drinks--YUK! I am tanked with multivitamins and supplements that she keeps pushing. She has been heaven sent, especially since I hate being in the kitchen!
My apologies to Sujin and Sam for being such horrible dinner company last night, I was too tired to socialize. After filling my belly with the yummy Thai food they brought over, I fell out on the sofa and slept the rest of the night away!
I promise I am doing well, just catching up on some sleep if I don't answer my phone or text and I will reply soon to all!
The only real side effects I'm feeling right now are exhaustion and some nausea or stomach irritation. The day after my first treatment I went back to work thinking I could continue full speed ahead--NOT. I nearly passed out in the operating room after 2 hours and I had to tuck my tail and retreat back to my office to regain my strength and energy; thought I was feeling better and then headed down for another case, only to last about 1 hour!:( I quickly learned that I will definitely have limits, and this is only after the first treatment.
Once I'm home from work, I feel so wiped out all I want to do is lay down and sleep. Thank goodness for Vicky, at least she makes sure I have something in my stomach before I pass out. She has filled my fridge and freezer to the max! Thanks to her, I am warding off neuropathy with my twice daily glucosamine drinks--YUK! I am tanked with multivitamins and supplements that she keeps pushing. She has been heaven sent, especially since I hate being in the kitchen!
My apologies to Sujin and Sam for being such horrible dinner company last night, I was too tired to socialize. After filling my belly with the yummy Thai food they brought over, I fell out on the sofa and slept the rest of the night away!
I promise I am doing well, just catching up on some sleep if I don't answer my phone or text and I will reply soon to all!
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
1 down 5 to go!!!
Yay me!!! Completed first cycle of chemo today and tolerated it well. Feeling a bit tired and fatigued but plan to go to bed early. So far so good, although most of the side effects are delayed; I'll just have to wait to see what happens.
My experience was unimaginable. I was spoiled the entire day, I was literally treated like the Queen. My nurse Joanne was awesome, she hooked me up with a giant bag of goodies including the softest and warmest socks to keep my feet warm, a travel neck pillow and turbans to keep my head warm when I loose my hair. I could get used to this kind of treatment!:)
All the while, so many of you have continued to pray for me and wish me only the best and continue to remind me how lucky I am. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart!!!
My experience was unimaginable. I was spoiled the entire day, I was literally treated like the Queen. My nurse Joanne was awesome, she hooked me up with a giant bag of goodies including the softest and warmest socks to keep my feet warm, a travel neck pillow and turbans to keep my head warm when I loose my hair. I could get used to this kind of treatment!:)
All the while, so many of you have continued to pray for me and wish me only the best and continue to remind me how lucky I am. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart!!!
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Round 5
Round 5 is to start tomorrow, I will be receiving my first cycle of chemotherapy at 11AM.
Several people have asked me how I feel--I'm not sure! I think ignorance is bliss; I don't really feel anything because I don't know what to expect. I will definitely find out tomorrow!
I went back to work full time on Monday and it was quite a busy day as was today. I hope to be able to continue working through my treatment as I am very hopeful that I will have minimal side effects!:) The last couple of days have been a little hard though, I'm fighting a head cold and have developed early lymphedema and possibly a seroma. Lucky for me I am privy to special services!;) I hadn't posted anything yesterday because to be honest, once I got home I was too exhausted. Feeling just as exhausted now and plan to keep this short.
Please know that I am so grateful to all for your continued support, well wishes and love!
Several people have asked me how I feel--I'm not sure! I think ignorance is bliss; I don't really feel anything because I don't know what to expect. I will definitely find out tomorrow!
I went back to work full time on Monday and it was quite a busy day as was today. I hope to be able to continue working through my treatment as I am very hopeful that I will have minimal side effects!:) The last couple of days have been a little hard though, I'm fighting a head cold and have developed early lymphedema and possibly a seroma. Lucky for me I am privy to special services!;) I hadn't posted anything yesterday because to be honest, once I got home I was too exhausted. Feeling just as exhausted now and plan to keep this short.
Please know that I am so grateful to all for your continued support, well wishes and love!
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