Nonexistent!

Have you ever just wanted to be nonexistent?  Like not existing or ever having existed would make everything you are going through null and void?!  That's the way I feel right now, I wish I did not exist--never had existed, that way I wouldn't have to be going through this right now.  I can't even begin to describe how I feel, I just know that it's the worse since starting treatment and at this rate I may not have it in me to complete the last cycle.  No amount of Zofran, nothing I eat or drink can get rid of this horrible knot that travels from my stomach and will linger in my chest and throat ready to make me dry heave and very close to throwing up.  No matter how much I sleep I have no energy to get up and complete any task I begin.  I find myself breaking out into a cold sweat and getting weak in my knees just standing for more than a minute or two.  There are so many people asking what they can do to help, I wish I knew what to ask for; I just don't know--but if by chance you do, please, PLEASE I'll take it, do it whatever I have to!