My Vanity lives on

I have never been more depressed than now.  Getting ready this morning, it hit me like a ton of bricks--I am SO fat and unattractive!  I know that at this time, I have a lot more to worry about than my weight or my morphing body; but I am human and I am a woman.  I had been so proud of my well shaped head when I first lost my hair but as I look at my bald head decorated by small patchy areas of hardy stubble, all I can do is yearn for MY OWN hair.  Getting dressed every morning is like torture, nothing fits; I have a permanent muffin top and even my fat pants are too tight!  I don't know what is most depressing though, as I paint my happy face on every morning I notice my ever thinning eye lashes which I'm afraid I'll lose completely after my last treatment next week and of course my eyebrows as well, thank goodness I had them tattooed years ago--who knew, but see, things happen for a reason.  Yes, yes, there is always a silver lining; who should know that better than myself, the eternal optimist--maybe not for much longer.  But, yes, I realize I'm probably saving quite a bit of money from not having to use shampoo.  And yes, I have saved so much time in the mornings not having to spend half an hour drying my hair.  What am I complaining about, I haven't had to shave my legs in months, right?!  I know, I know, I'll lose the weight once this is all over and my eyelashes and eyebrows will grow back.  But right now, at this particular moment and time, all I can do is mourn my lost beauty and self esteem.