A Wicked Weekend! :)

This weekend was one of the most memorable of all my 36 years thanks to both my sisters.  This weekend was very special  for two reasons, the first because as many of you know Halloween is my b-day and the second because this weekend felt like my last chance for a long while to do something fun and enjoy it as I will be starting chemotherapy on Wednesday.

My sisters took me to New York City on Saturday with tickets to Wicked.  We took the train into NYC Saturday morning and walked through the fashion district, as hard as it was there was nothing bought (at that time).  We ended up at the famous Carnegie Deli for lunch where we feasted on the matzo ball soup and the world famous "Woody Allen" sandwich, for those of you who have never been--everything is amazing but the portions are HUGE, what we had could literally feed a small starving nation!  We were so full we didn't have any room to try their enormous slice of cheese cake which looked so good!:(

With our appetites satisfied and very full tummies, we headed to the Gershwin Theater where I was blown away by Wicked, and the cherry on top--the autographed poster which Vicky bought me!!  (It was the 7th anniversary of the musical this past weekend and to celebrate they were selling special posters autographed by the cast.)

Wishing I could be Elphaba or Glinda, we headed out to try to catch a cab to head toward Babbo for dinner--yeah right, it felt like nearly an hour before we could grab an over priced "luxury" cab and by the time we got to Babbo, we were s*@% out of luck--could have used Elphaba's powers!  So we headed to Chelsea Market and dined on the fabulous fare there!  Then back to the fashion district where we continued with some retail therapy.

Exhausted but feeling like I could defy gravity, we made it back to Penn Station to catch our train back to B'more!!  What a weekend, I love NY!  Thank you Sophie and Vicky for a weekend I will NEVER forget!

Jaw dropping turn out!!

Speechless--is how I felt last night.  It was amazing...like I said speechless.

The outpouring of support and generosity from my family, friends and colleagues at Mercy is truly unbelievable.  The evening was such a success because of SO many people who care and I am blessed to say the least.  I can honestly say I am the luckiest person on this earth!

I owe so many thanks to too many people and I would hate to leave any names out but you know who you are from everyone who had a hand in helping Megan and Sujin make the benefit come to fruition to my family and friends who came from far and near to all those who came to wish me the best and of course all of those who were unable to come but have continued to send their love and support.

I promise (although I cannot say exactly when) to post pictures as soon as possible!

My Benefit at The Red Star

I was truly touched and am grateful beyond words to all who were able to make my benefit last night. A special thank you to all who were so generous with their contributions and gifts.

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Feeling the love from MA

Christine, you brought tears to my eyes with your thoughtful care package. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I love you!

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Two thumbs up for narcotic pain medication!! :)

Woke up very sore and not able to really move properly, I thought I had a higher pain tolerance--guess I am a big baby!:(  Thank goodness for the wide variety of different narcotics available and most importantly having great friends who can get you those medications!:)  I owe my sanity to Sandy who took time out of her busy day to bring me a prescription for stronger pain medication--it worked so well I got to sleep the afternoon away and am feeling much better; I actually look normal getting around now.

I broke my promise that I made over a week ago about posting information about the upcoming event organized by my good friends and family to help raise funds to help me out during this time and for that I am truly sorry but I feel that most of you following have already RSVP'd and/or know about the event but just as a (late) reminder:

Tomorrow evening from 5 - 8pm, we will be getting together at The Red Star in Fells Point for free appetizers and a cash bar; there will be a costume contest, silent auction and 50/50 raffle.  I am very excited and truly touched by all who have had a hand in organizing and putting the event together, including those who have donated items to be auctioned.

Words alone cannot express my gratitude, appreciation and love to all who are constantly thinking about me, praying for me and showing their support in their kind gestures and warm words.  I am truly indebted!

TLC

Bruised and sore after Round 4; thank goodness for Max and Jack who are giving me plenty of feline TLC courtesy of Sandy.

Got through yet another procedure wondering when this will all be behind me. I know I'm showing weakness with more than half the fight left to go, maybe it's just the soreness making me so frustrated. Didn't expect there to be a lot of discomfort but I was wrong!

I know every one is behind me and wishing only the best, knowing that gives me the strength to keep my chin up and a smile on my face while I get through this fight! :D

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Round 4

The bell to start Round 4 is set to ring at 8 tomorrow morning.

The dark, gloomy clouds outside are perfect for how I feel right now.  It's one round after another, no break to feel "normal" for even a split second.  I'm not having a lot of pain but I definitely don't feel anywhere close to normal; half of my body does not feel like me...and to think I'll have a foreign body in me by tomorrow afternoon! :{

Blooming weekend!

Thank you Sam!

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Blooming weekend!

This weekend has been one full of many blooms...such as the pretty lilies from Sam; there is the ever flourishing number of prepared meals filling my refrigerator and freezer thanks to my sister Vicky and my wonderful friend Mark. Last but not least, the most impressive growth is my expanding waist & derriere!

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Low blow...out of nowhere!

Woke up congested and hoarse, feeling blah!:(  Felt sick to my stomach and lightheaded most of the day; don't know where this all came from!!??!!

Got to lay around all day and have Vicky wait on me; now I'm feeling much better although still feeling a little blah.

Tomorrow is a new day so we'll see what happens, may need another dose of the healing trio--hehehe! :D

Cup of sunshine

Thank you Yousun for the beautiful cup of sunshine!

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Quick and Easy

Back in my corner with hardly a scratch!  I dominated Round 3.

Surgery went very well.  I'm loaded on Lortab and feeling no pain.  Back home early and resting comfortably with Vicky at my beck and call.

Thanks again to all for the well wishes! :)

Count down to Round 3

Again I find myself waiting for the bell to ding for the start of a new round.  8+ hours and counting down to surgery...I'm now NPO!!!:(  Glad I had that last glass of wine about 2 hours ago.

Vicky is here with bells on to wait on me hand and foot after my re-excision tomorrow.  Lucky for me she can cook!

Thank you to all who have called and texted to wish me the best tomorrow.  I know I'll get through this with a breeze because of all of you!!

Rounds 4 and 5 coming up quick

Even before the start of Round 3, I am having to prepare for Rounds 4 and 5.

I wanted to sit in my corner and prepare for the next round following my re-excision this Thursday but it seems that I won't have much time to regroup.  I am scheduled to have a port-a-cath placed next Tuesday and will then start my first cycle of chemotherapy the following Wednesday.  

I'm nervous to say the least, I wasn't expecting to start my treatments so soon.  I know I'm more anxious about the unknown; specifically, what side effects, if any I will have to the chemotherapy.  I've accepted the fact that I will lose all my hair but there is a part of me that is scared to think of all the possibilities and the worst case scenario.  

As one of my surgeons put it: "it's like prison; the sooner you start your time, the sooner you get out."  So here's to getting out sooner than later!

Warmest welcome back

So I decided that I was feeling well enough to go back to work today--light duty of course and what a warm welcome back!  I know I was truly missed and it actually felt somewhat comforting to be back at work--all because of my great colleagues at Mercy!:)

I spent a relatively easy day in the office and spent some time catching up with my peeps in the OR, 7th floor and of course the office staff.  Looking forward to the next two days of clinic and then...Round 3 begins Thursday!

Only a sister's love...

Only an older sister like Sophia could put up with the ranting and raving of a spoiled younger sister, like me, who is used to getting everything my way.  I just got back from the airport after dropping her off and am sad to see her go and could never express how much it meant to have her here for the last two weeks.

Sophie--I am sorry for being so frustrating, annoying and downright mean at times.  I know you were only here to help and you don't know how much that means to me.  I can't wait to see you come back on the 28th (only because I'll have more cleaning for you to do!  Just kidding!;))  I look forward to our Saturday in New York City.

Vicky will be arriving Wednesday evening to fill very big shoes, please keep her in your prayers!

Flower power!

Thank you so much Yulia and Sujin for the beautiful blooms of joy!

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Just what the doctor ordered!

I must admit, I have never been a very compliant patient.  I have self diagnosed, self treated and self-medicated (like many of my family members and colleagues in the medical profession) without any kind of formal consult or follow up--unless calling Vicky, my internist sister counts?!

The past two weeks have been different; following surgery I took my pain medication as prescribed, I followed instructions when it came to my drain care and documenting output, I began my Phase I exercises as recommended and have continued as instructed.  I have followed my post op instructions to the T, or at least very close to it!

However, over the past couple of days I have felt that my progress has kinda plateaued and so I decided that it was time to try something different.  I have prescribed myself the healing trio--healthy doses of retail therapy, chillaxing and ETOH.  Of course, all of these alternative therapies are benefiting others--today is Macy's Shop for a Cause and as such I will be donating to benefit my local nonprofit group for breast cancer.  Chillaxing is another important therapy, this includes sitting on my ever expanding butt and watching lots of college football--Roll Tide Roll!!!  Must support my team (oh, alright Go Beavers!  Just for you Su & Sam :))  Last but not least, ETOH and this may be the most important of the three because my extensive research (talking to Megan) has proven that increased tolerance is directly related to how well you tolerate chemotherapy!!  Now, as far as I know from my experiences as a nationally certified PA, these alternative therapies have been a cure all for anything and everything that ails you for many years and possibly even centuries!  So for those who are in need of some attention, whether it be medical or not, I suggest you try the healing trio--so far so good!!:D

Touched by many angels

I am reminded every day and by many different words and actions how blessed I am to be surrounded by so many people who truly care and love me!  I cannot and do not even know where to begin, or how to thank the many angels who have touched me and reminded me that I am not alone through any part of this battle.

I know that many of you reading this blog may already know of the fundraising event that is planned in my honor on Thursday, October 28.  I will be posting the details soon and hope that you will be able to join the festivities.

Round 3...scheduled

The bell will ding to start Round 3 sooner than I thought.

I thought my next trip into the ring would be the start of chemotherapy, little did I expect to have to put on my gloves again to face the OR.  But, as I said before, it could be worse and I plan to take this as another step to defeating The Big C!

I am scheduled for re-excision on Thursday, October 21.

Some Very Good News and some not so good news...

So, what would you like first?  The good news or the bad, or what I prefer to think is not really "bad" news but "not so good news."  I received a call from my breast surgeon, Dr. Friedman, who informed me (ready for the good news?:)) that only 1 of the 16 lymph nodes was positive!!  YAY!!!  This is VERY GOOD news as it makes my prognosis excellent and my chance of recurrence is much less as opposed to having more positive lymph nodes.  Now, for the not so good news--although the breast mass was removed completely and all the margins were negative, there was one margin that was not optimal in that it was about 1mm or so.  Dr. Friedman continued to explain that the debate on the width of negative margins is still very controversial and there is nothing set in stone nor is there any literature stating better outcomes either way; however, given my particular circumstance and young age, a re-excision is recommended.

I will be scheduled for another surgery and will keep you posted as to when.  Like I said, this is not bad news; in fact I am very grateful, it could have been much worse.  I obviously enjoyed (per Megan and Sandy) the heavy sedation before and look forward to more laughs and giggles following more Versed and Propofol!

I'm free...

I was given the green light by my surgeon to remove that ball and chain that has been hanging from my right underarm for the past week--as of about one hour ago, I no longer have the drain!!!  What a relief, I am so ecstatic--I don't know the last time I felt this giddy!  I can truly say that I am able to appreciate the simple things in life like not having a drain in my axilla!:)

Eating my way to a speedy recovery...

Thanks to Stacey, Karen, Jen, Dawn & Kristen! Miss all of you too. I truly appreciate your thoughtfulness.

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Sweet treats for a sweet recovery...

Thanks to my sweet cousin Sujin! Do I really have to share? Love you!

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Hanging tight...

Thanks to you Neesa! Your thoughtfulness is truly appreciated. Just looking at these yummy goodies makes me feel better.

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You thought right...

Thank you Nana & Bennie for your sweet card; it definitely did it's job! All your well wishes & prayers have not only picked me up but are carrying me through this! Love you all. xoxo

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From my anonymous K9 Admirer

Thank u so much....oh, Yulia! ;)
Woof woof!

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My new do!

Officially ready to start shedding when I start chemo!

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I guess I'm no Wonder Woman

So as much as I wanted to think I would be up and about without a lot of pain and feeling just fine after surgery, I must admit this little procedure has had quite a toll on me.  I'm in a lot more pain than I thought I would be and am requiring more pain medication than I expected to take.  I'm also feeling exhausted!!  I can't explain why I feel so tired and why I find myself falling asleep every time I sit on the sofa and get a little comfy.

I refuse to think it's my age because I'm still only a tender thirty something;)  Can't imagine what would have happened if I required a total mastectomy!  Well, I'm going to take advantage of my personal nurse/indentured servant for the next 2 weeks (aka my sister Sophia); and yes I guess they were all right when they said I would need 2-4 weeks to recuperate, I will no longer argue and just take this time to recover.

Today is a good day...

Woke up to the sun streaming into my room and relatively pain free...sigh of content!:)
I'm still in some discomfort but it does not compare to the excruciating burning pain from 2 days ago, it's nice to not have to start off my day with 2 Lortabs!

My parents arrive in Baltimore this evening, I can't wait to greet them with the biggest of smiles and cheeriest of disposition.  I will not be sad or angry about my diagnosis, I'm over it now and have to move on; it's so easy to do with everyone behind me!

Hello Kitty bingo anyone?

Who wants to play? Thanks to Nastaran, my days will be filled with HK fun!

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The First of the Good News to Continue to Come...

So how awesome is it to know that I DO NOT have a genetic mutation!?!?!
My sisters and nieces do not have to worry about testing and/or early screening.
Thank you Dr. Helzlsouer!

A Rough Night

Last night was tough, not because of pain but I found myself tossing and turning although I was exhausted.  I reflected a lot on the past and how I got to the present and began to worry about my future.

I know I am never alone but I don't know if I could do myself justice in trying to articulate everything I am feeling and worry about, would it be possible for anyone to understand?

Thanks to Megan, Sandy and Yulia for keeping me preoccupied yesterday evening.  And thank you for telling me how silly and giddy I was under the influence of anesthesia!  It's always nice to know I can make my friends laugh, whether it was intentional or not and whether I remember it or not!

My pain is better today.  I continue to have high output in my drain, which is expected.  I've only been out of work for 3 days but am already going a little stir crazy, who knows after a couple of more days like this I may just get used to being a couch potato.

How lucky am I?!

I have been reminded over and over again all day how much I am loved.  I truly have the best family and friends; from Korea to South America I have been sent warm wishes and the prayers are never ending.  All the calls, texts, cards, flowers, fruit and more fruit....I am feeling the LOVE!!!

To all my family and friends who are far in distance but so close to my heart, I know it breaks your heart not be able to be here with me at this moment but I know that if you had the choice and opportunity you would be nowhere else but by my side.  It is knowing this that brings comfort to me and the strength to get up each day and fight this fight.  I have a long road ahead of me but I know I can get through this because of all of you!!

Beautiful roses from a lovely Persian rose! Thank you Nastaran.

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Thank you to my family in Room 18--Chrystal, Anita and Char!  Love you guys!


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Thank you Angela, Erik and Ayden!!
The most delicious arrangement I've ever had!:)


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Round 2

"DING"
I was down quick after that bell but I'm NOT OUT!!!

Thanks to everyone's prayers and well wishes I went into surgery exceptionally cool and calm, I was less nervous than I thought I would be.  Surgery was an hour or so delayed but it was all good.  I had the best nurse anesthetist; Chrystal is AWESOME!!!  I was able to get through surgery under IV sedation only thanks to the great work of Chrystal.  The last thing I remember is the team around me giving me positive vibes and then I was down, next thing I remember is waking in the PACU in a bit of pain and sleepy but otherwise fine.  Dilaudid worked it's magic and I drifted in and out of sleep.  I have great friends who continued to check on me and even carry my clothes around while I was having all the badness taken out of my boob and underarm.  Got to finally leave the hospital after 9.  I don't know whether to thank her or hate her but Sandy took both Sophie and I to dinner at Teavolve where we were tortured with open mic nite!  It was the only time I had wished I was deaf!  My spinach ravioli was delish but it would have been better without the American Idol wanna be belting out that Kelly Clarkson song I thought I liked (until the wanna be butchered it).

Got home and devoured a huge slice of goodness--Sophie is the best, she brought me Primo's caramel cake from Mississippi!!!  Took some Lortab and slept like a baby.  My private nurse, aka slave for the next two weeks or better known as Sophie to my family and friends woke me to make sure I had my pain meds every four hours.  My dumb ass refused earlier this morning and I paid for it, woke up later with burning and throbbing pain.  Doing well now and have even been compliant with my post op exercises--Maureen would be proud!

I am the luckiest person on this earth and don't even know where I'll have to begin to start thanking everyone!  Please know every thought, word and gesture means the world to me and even if I may not say it or show it right at that moment, I truly appreciate it!!

Still waiting...

Waiting to hear the "DING" to start Round 2.

Surprising woke up calm and in good spirits; didn't even need a Xanax to help me sleep!
As the seconds and minutes tick on I am getting a little more nervous.  Is the weather trying to tell me something, maybe the heavens are crying for me as I will be losing a part of me that I always took for granted.  Sophie landed safely this morning and is on her way to take me to the hospital, thanks to Sujin!  I know I'll be back in the comfort of my own bed later this evening and that does bring me some relief.

Thank you to everyone for your well wishes, prayers and LOVE!!!

Love you all!

Waiting for Round 2

Standing in my corner waiting for Round 2 to begin.
As tough as I try to act I think The Big C can feel my fear.  I know my fans are behind me 110%.  All I can do to thank them is to fight a hard fight!

But what a day I had to endure today...I know tomorrow is a new day and things will be better.  I was told the cancer was in my breast not in my brain but why have I become so retarded? (excuse the political incorrectness!)  Maybe they should check for mets to my brain!  I was totally responsible for my sister missing her flight into Baltimore this evening.  Sophie is coming to take care of me for the first couple of weeks after surgery and what do I do to thank her?  Give her the wrong flight information!  And she can't even get mad at me because I'm having surgery tomorrow.  She's stuck in Chicago trying to make her way here from Mississippi, way to go me!  To make things worse I took out my frustrations on a patient who is probably worse off than I am.  As rude as he was to me, I'm sure I didn't help things any with my attitude; I dished every bit of rudeness and belligerence back at the patient instead of trying to be understanding, compassionate or caring.  God forgive me and give me the strength to get through this with grace and empathy!!

Round 1

Bell rings--DING!
Almost KO'd right from the start, who would have thought that I would hit the floor that hard; breast cancer's got a pretty strong punch.  I'm feeling defeated and too weak to get up to fight back and this is only the beginning of round 1!
I look around and reach out to those I know got my back and somehow I've gotten back on my feet--I shake my head and no longer see stars spinning in front of my eyes.  My vision is clearer, I know what I have to do and I have rallied the best fans in the world to cheer me on through this fight!  I am lucky to have some great coaches by my side fighting this fight with me.

SUCKS FOR YOU BREAST CANCER BECAUSE I KNOW I'M GOING TO WIN!